Perspective and Mood

Some days things just seem right. Hopeful, interesting, fun. Happy.

These are the days when I just can't help but sing. I want to dance. I feel like I look bomb ass sexy. And I want to show it.

Even when I have lots to do, I'm confident that I can finish it. I feel on top of it, and I almost look forward to working hard. It's satisfying. I get experience. And best of all, I feel like I have something to look forward to afterwards.

The world is interesting. Almost anything I think about seems fascinating. The world has that worthwhile, patterned, sameness that I've been so fascinated with the past few months. And best of all, I feel like my thoughts are insightful. There's the chance that I'm thinking something that's never been said before. I have an original idea.

I want to do things. I want to work on a longer term project, faithful that I'll be able to finish at some point. I want to write in this blog, remember all of those insights. I want to meet people, hang out with people I already know. I want to be productive. I even want to relax.

What frustrates me though, is that it is only some days. Those other days aren't much worth writing about. But in all actuality, there's not really much objective difference between the two. It's just in the way I think about things. And why would I choose not to have one of these days? The thing I, and probably many other people too, need to realize is that I can choose.

I'm not denying that there's something that makes it hard to choose. As much as we'd like to believe it, most of us are not in complete control over our own minds. Too many chemicals and complicated phenomena, too many layers of abstraction. So maybe it's a bit difficult, it takes a little extra effort. But it's worth it.

Corollary to "To blog or not to blog?"

That last post was simply to start writing. Though I do think I would prefer to write on a topic, I don't think it's realistic to just pick some topic because I don't want to have no topic. If I'm writing about something consistently, I want it to be something I'm passionate about. I want my entries to be natural, substantial, and interesting. Maybe I'll discover such a topic as I post more, or maybe a theme will evolve. But for now, I will write my entries as individual essay on likely unrelated subjects.

To blog or not to blog? (and related questions)

I've wanted to start a blog for some time now, but I haven't because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to write about. Who did I want my audience to be? Would it be a completely private blog? Would I advertise it to my friends? Or wait for it to be discovered on its own. What about a name for the blog? Would it be anonymous? Or something like "Melissa's Musings" (Or is that even my real name? I guess you would know since I did choose to go with something anonymous. Or would you?)?

And what about a topic? A theme? A motif? At first I was pretty convinced that I wanted to write about something. Having a direction might help me come up with entries. Sometimes limiting the options makes it easier to make a decision ... but it makes deciding on that topic to begin with that much more difficult! Whatever I choose I have to be confident that I'll have enough interesting things to say about it. And that's a pretty bold assumption, isn't it? Am I claiming to be an expert? Heaven forbid!

So then I must consider why I wanted to start writing in the first place. I'm sure part of me wants to be recognized, maybe one day be discovered, asked to compile my entries into a book that's later made into a movie ... or not. Sometimes I do just want to write. Admittedly I don't take the opportunity all that often. My work rarely requires it, and keeping personal journals quickly devolves into whining and ranting. I thought maybe having an audience would keep things a little more ... artistic ... no, tasteful.

Even now, I haven't decided what to write! And yet somehow I've written an entry? What a paradoxical beginning.